Rich brothers are A-holes

[Pet]

I have 3 brothers.

Dan: age 67

Jerry: age 64

Joe: age 59


Dan: Very well off financially. Has a million dollar home. Retired in Idaho.

Jerry: Very well off financially. Has a home valued at $500,000. Lives 3 miles away from our mom.

Joe: Doesn't even earn $25,000 a year. Doesn't own a home. Rents mobile home from brother Jerry. Takes care of our mom practically 24/7. Works when he can, but is a local-routes-only truckdriver, and work is very slow right now. Has been taking good care of our mom for over 5 years now.

In July, while Joe, Mom, and I were visiting Dan and his wife Janet in their million dollar home, Janet took me into the nearby city and treated me to a pedicure and fancy haircut 'n' style. She said "Dan and I wanted to thank you for all you do for your mom." I said, "Well, thank you! That's so nice of you!" Meanwhile thinking, "What are you going to do for Joe? He does the lion's share of the work." Well, they did nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

So recently, I got to thinking. Wouldn't it be nice if Dan, Jerry and I paid Joe a little stipend each month to show our appreciation?

Jerry came over for dinner tonight. When he walked outside to get into his car, I said, "I'd like to talk to you about something." He said, "Okay. What's up?" I said, "Joe has been taking care of Mom for over 5 years now. He's there for her 24/7. I think it would be nice if you, Dan and I together paid Joe a little stipend each month to show our appreciation." He started hemming and hawwing and said, "Well, I've got a lot of expenses right now, you know ... the mobile home and all." I pleasantly said, "Okay. Well, just keep it in mind then." He said he would, then got into his new car and drove away.

I WAS FURIOUS. He hadn't even asked how much money I was talking about. He hadn't even asked. He didn't ask, "Well, how much money are we talking about?" No. He just figited and blurted out a lame lie. Then he lied again when he said he'd give my idea some thought. Apparently, he has plenty of money to go golfing 3 times a week, but no money at all to show his appreciation for all the things Joe does for his own mother.

So ... I have two brothers who are A-holes, and one brother who has a heart of gold.

Guess whose graves I'm going to dance on when they die.

[Ice.Maiden]

I can understand your fustration Pet, but different people have different priorities, unfortunately. You could suggest your idea again, and if it meets with excuses or silence, then I'd leave it. You and your kind brother'll be able to hold your heads up. It's happened within our family group as well, so I appreciate how you must feel.

[Pet]

Thank you, Icey. I am trying hard to accept the fact that I cannot change other peoples' behavior -- I can only make suggestions and hope that I and the other person can peacefully dialogue. In a highly charged, emotional situation, I must recognize that I am in that sort of situation, take deep breaths, and be calm. And not rant about it later. Ranting makes things worse.


Margaret Thatcher once said this:

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."



Another great quote is, "Don't beat a dead horse." (-- anonymous)


I am kicking back with a small glass of wine and chatting with my mom. I am so fortunate that we are like best friends. I love her anecdotes, and she loves mine.

Cheers!



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[Ice.Maiden]

Well hun, you sound like a good, thoughtful daughter, and your mum sounds delightful. You and your brother can pat yourselves on the back, because although it's the sort of thing that people'd EXPECT their children to do for them - and to all help each other - many don't.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. One day, we all might be grateful of help ourselves, and being as though I believe in the saying that you reap what you sow, and do unto others, etc., etc., you and your brother'll get help yourselves. Maybe the others won't, and then they'll understand.

Enjoy your drinks - and night for now to you both. x

[MWB]

I have an A-hole of an older brother as well, Pet.

He's very well off, owns his own business & makes oodles of money. I've never thought, or felt, that because of this, he should help me or anyone else in my family who aren't as well off. But in times of extreme hardship, such as my fridge breaking down without hope of it being fixed therefore necessitating a new one & not having the money for it, he "could" come to the rescue. This actually happened a few years ago - I asked & said I'd pay him off. He refused point blank & hasn't ever really contacted me since.

Unbelievable! :shrug:

[Ice.Maiden]

It's sad when some family members are so selfish or thoughtless that they can't or won't help out. I suppose it depends on how close people are.

[Tomsk]

you can't choose your siblings.....Iknow what you mean...

[Ice.Maiden]

I'm lucky with mine. We're all different in nature, but when it boils down to it, we all stick up for each other. I still think that some of us do more than others though, but whatever rifts appear, they're usually ironed out after a bit.