your worth

[imbizze]

I think we all through phases where we don't feel like we are important to others or that we don't really add much to a relationship. I often just feel like MOM, the woman with no real life of her own. I often feel like my wants and needs fall to the bottom of the list.

But then I ask myself, who made that list?! I sure had a hand in it. Moms just put themselves last so that we are sure to have enough resources to meet the needs of our family members FIRST. If there is anything left, we settle for that. Am I right? I didn't think I was raised to act that way, but looking back on the past 20 years, I can see that it was just an automatic thing for me to put my needs, my LIFE, last.

Often I think that my presence doesn't matter to anyone here. I wonder if my family sees me or even HEARS me sometimes.

But then I sit back and recall the few times that I have had to go away for a few days at a time. The kids MISSED ME! Who knew? Hubby said he can't sleep well when I am not here because I have always been here these past 23 years. So maybe all of those evenings that I felt ignored and almost invisible, I guess the family really did notice my presence. I do have a role here. We all have our niche, our slot, in the grand scheme of things. When one of us is gone, the others notice! Who knew?

It's a shame that we often don't know what we have until it's gone. if you get a moment with your people tonight, take a good hard look at them and acknowledge their presence. None of us are here forever. Everyone matters.

Do you have your role in a family or a close circle of people? What would people miss the most if you weren't there?

I'm done rambling. For now! :lol:

[pilvikki]

What would people miss the most if you weren't there?

punkin would have to put the wee fellah on the floor when she comes in the door to rush to the bathroom....

when the kids were younger i felt like a chair, only noticed if someone wanted to sit down. or if someone was short on cash. or needed a ride.

there are still times i feel like my name ought to be conzuela, but when i think about all this, i realize i was conditioned to be what i am by my mother. mother was demanding, ill and often selfish. i had to early in my life figure what she wanted me to say before i opened my mouth, just to keep the peace. for an ADD kid it's pretty near impossible and it really makes it hard to learn to think for yourself.

my sister on the other hand DEMANDS. and guess what? SHE GETS IT! she has a house, two cottages, money to burn, a husband who adores her -- and wrinkles from so many southern vacations.

so next time we feel unappreciated, let's speak up!

deal?

[imbizze]

Deal! :clap:

[pilvikki]

:cool2:

[Yogi]

I have great empathy for you Diana. A wife and a mom often become invisible due to their instinctive need to nourish and love their family. Taking care of the needs of your family is a self-assigned mission, and one you take most serously. Your family may very well be taking you for granted precisely because you are so good at what you do. However, when you are gone, it's like removing the oxygen from the air.

Is just knowing the above enough? Certainly not. You want to hear it and need signs that your loved ones really care. You are no less of a person than the rest of us who have needs and want to be loved. My advice to you is to print out this thread and leave it in an obvious spot for your family to accidentally find. I'm guessing they don't know how you are feeling these days.

[pilvikki]

i like the way you think, oh evil one!

:dance:

[Silke]

I always did little things to show my mother I loved her. Mostly by doing chores (more than just my own) or making dinner. I think she always knew, no matter how tiered she was. Sure, the house wasn't always cleaned, and the food wasn't always made when she came home... but if I did those things every day, would it tell her how much I loved her? No. It would just be my personality and nothing more.

People have their ways of showing you they care. All you need to do is see them.

[Ice.Maiden]

I know mums who've felt invisible. I'm sure we've all been there at times, and yet I don't see parenting as a sacrifice. We're still human beings ourselves, but with my own, they were dearly wanted, and it's a pleasure to be everything to them, be it nursemaid, teacher, cook - or just someone to cuddle. My own mum's a brilliant one, and we all love and care for her. I hope my children'll continue to feel the same way about me, and so far, so good.

[pinky]

WEll I know when i become a mom it will be a whole change of life for me and I hope I adapt well and dont feel invosoble and that it enhances mine and OHs relationship

[Ice.Maiden]

Sometimes, there'll BE times when you're invisible, but it's not a race for popularity. Your children'll come first in the main, and you'll be happy to take a back seat.
There's nothing wrong in losing yourself in motherhood, but you ARE still a person, and so it helps to keep in touch with friends, and go out with your OH and just be a couple again. A lot of women make the mistake of only wanting to discuss how many nappies their babies've used throughout the day, or how many pieces of food they've thrown around - lol - and it's not really what the OH wants to hear as soon as they get in from work. There's a time and place to sit and discuss all this, and then a time and a place where mum and dad need some time on their own. I seriously think this happens at any age, and the hard part is in being able to divide the time up amicably.
Children can certainly enhance a relationship, but also put a damper on it, but it's when folk start to feel resentful that problems occur. There's no need for it. Time can be divided between caring for your children, being with your OH - and then having time out for yourself, but juggling it's not always easy at first. It helps if you have an OH who helps out. If not, having young ones can be very tiring, leaving you with no energy for anything except flopping to sleep.

[pinky]

Emm I am sure there will be days I will wish I was invisible!!

[Ice.Maiden]

And days when you'll make certain of it!!