Daddy's coming home..

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Daddy's coming home..

Postby Sandra » 24 Mar 2010, 04:28

If a kid's biological dad left her when she was a month old and she now calls another man 'dad', should her real dad have the right to walk back into her life?
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby Silke » 24 Mar 2010, 06:53

Not without her permission, and he won't have the right to be called "dad". He does have the right to pay for whatever she wants though :D

It is a delicate situation, but he gave up his rights by leaving and not be there for her as she grew up. If I were in that situation I'd tell him to go ************************************************** but that is just me and another girl with another upbringing and different needs might thing otherwise. Just mind, if anyone should be using any guilt cards, it is her, not him and if he tries one then she should leave at once. There was a reason he left, there was a reason he didn't take contact and if he tries to manipulate her feelings? I have a idea of what that reason is...
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby pilvikki » 25 Mar 2010, 00:24


well, she does have the right to know her father, but it depends on her age, too.

"hi! i'm your dad!" would confuse the hell out of a young girl. if she's too young for that, he could just visit but not tell her who he is. also, what does ma think/feel about all this?

it's a very knotty issue.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby pinky » 25 Mar 2010, 17:17

Well it is a complicated matter and depends when he left her and the reasons and her age. ?None the less every child should be aware of their biological family . If there is and absent parent a child should be aware that their biological dad is not living with them. Equally every child has a right to know and have the opportunity to have a relationship with both their parents. ?How this is worked out depends on the childs age.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby Ice.Maiden » 25 Mar 2010, 23:49

Actually Silke, I think he WOULD have the right to be called dad, but whether or not the child'd ever want to, would depend on her age and how she got on with him. More than likely the girl'd call the man she'd always known as dad by that name, but sometimes it works out differently. I know an exact situation like that, and at first, the girl, who was 14 when she met her biological father, called him by his first name, but as time went by, she retained the use of dad to her step-father, but called the real one "pops". That suited everyone, who tried to be amicable about things for the girl's sake.
As pink says, every child has the right to know who their biological family are, but it doesn't mean that a father has an automatic right to turn up and demand access. I understand that if someone has a violent past, or the meeting would disturb the child, then there are steps which can be taken to prevent a meeting. Perhaps pink can enlarge on that.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby Silke » 17 Apr 2010, 16:45

I know a situation like that too, and the result was not the same. I know several infact.

One where there was a father and son where the son did not accept the father as the father seemed to lie all the time as to his reasons (or so I've heard, I don't know the fathers side) so the son ended up hitting the father. The father sued his son.

Another is where the father sued the mother for rights to see his two daughters and it was decided he would spend three days with them for everyone to see how it went. Day three he never showed up, and he blamed the mother.

Thing is there are too many such cases, too many different kinds of fathers. Any such father needs to earn the right to be called "dad" or "pops" and if the man in your story managed that, good for him and the daughter in question. Not all stories end thus.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby WonderWoman » 24 Apr 2010, 01:55

Sandra wrote:If a kid's biological dad left her when she was a month old and she now calls another man 'dad', should her real dad have the right to walk back into her life?



depends on a lot of factors. My gut reaction is NO! why did he leave? What age is she now? Why is he back?thers a lot missing from the scenario to answer fully. Whats that saying "any fool can be a father but it takes a real man to be a Daddy". Hes lost his right to be her dad as another man fills that role now. Not to say she shouldnt see the biological father . Depends on circumstances.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby pinky » 24 Apr 2010, 17:40

well I dont agree WW we dont know thw reason he wasnt around perhaps he was overseas in the army or something. I don't think its fair to say until we know more. But I do think a childs biological parents are their primary parents and children should know who they are. I don't think it is fair to introduce another man or waman as mammy or daddy when clearly they are not.

Take the children I work with who are in care they still call their parents mom and dad even after several years in care
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby pastafreak » 29 Apr 2010, 14:03

Not quite related to the question.....
Pinky said " I don't think it is fair to introduce another man or waman as mammy or daddy when clearly they are not."

But what DOES a child call a step mother or father?? Referring to that person as Mum or Dad (or any variations) would seem to be necessary in forming a new family group. It does not have to ignore the role of the biological parent,but it IS important to give the adult authority which is needed. Within the immediate family group, that 'new' parent IS Mum or Dad,as they will be the provider,disciplinarian,giver-of-baths,packer-of lunches,the one who kisses the knee better...what have you.

As for the question...if a biological parent wants to be part of their childs life....no matter how much time has passed, they should have the opportunity. There is every chance good will come of it, and the child is entitled to know and be familiar with where and who they came from,.
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Re: Daddy's coming home..

Postby legend » 08 May 2010, 06:14

He has the right .
But there are too many factors unknown in this scenario to give a proper answer.

Lets face it any man can be a dad but likewise any mum can be a mother , and in britain theres a whole underclass of chav druggy delinquent mothers with a brood of children to 6 or even 7 dads.
How are all these dads supposed to interact with their children whilst their siblings have so nay different fathers?
maybe any guy can be a dad but not a father.
but any woman can become a mother and the only skilll she needs is the ability to screw each and any guy she meets.
The ability to drop your drawers , if any are worn , isnt a prerequisite to being mother of the year , lets stay focused on the children here.

like i said there are so many variables that only an idiot would give a rash and hasty answer.

What of the mother in this particular case ?

But to answer the initial question rather than ramble


If a kid's biological dad left her when she was a month old and she now calls another man 'dad', should her real dad have the right to walk back into her life?


Her dad does have the right to walk back into her life , as the question says he is her dad.

Simply put he has the right , likewise she has the right to tell him she doesnt want him.
But no one , especially the mother should try and twist or influence the child.
Such mind games can have a dramatic effect on a child in later life with feelings of guilt because they were influenced by others and their agendas.
The child must decide and the adults must live by that decision if they like it or not.

Anything else is just points scoring and using the child as a pawn.
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