Mum is driving us crazy!

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Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby rabbitygirl » 06 Oct 2009, 04:49

Seriously, I have had Mum and sons staying for a few days. We have decided, independently, that we cannot bea her company for any length of time. You have honestly never heard moaning like it. About anything and everything. We are totally worn down. I have invited her for Xmas but next year, reluctantly, I will only invite her infrequently and without the boys. We cannot go out without her moaning about walking, where we are going, how long, eating at certain times for pill taking (most of which are supplements). She's kind and generous and I feel we need to give her a break from her home now and then but she just doesn't see how awful she can be. There are no filters on her - thinks it and says it. I think her son in law may divorce me!!! Combine Peggy Mount (if you can remember her), Prunella Scales from the old Tesco ads and a large dollop of Victor Meldrew and you are there! Anyone else got a mum who isn't a saint? :(
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby Ice.Maiden » 06 Oct 2009, 15:08

Aww, bless, rabbity. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that one for you!
I'd suggest that if a private word makes no difference, that you bite your lip and just get on with enjoying the festive break as well as you can.
When she's no longer with you hun, you'll wish that she was, warts and all. x
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby pinky » 06 Oct 2009, 16:37

yes Ice I agree sorry rabbs but enjoy the time you have left with her and maybe arrrange shorter visits which are more bearable for you . Try to focus on even one small positive as the negatives of the visit will make it feel more negative.

Oh and learn from her so you dont turn out like her lol
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby rabbitygirl » 12 Oct 2009, 18:21

I've just about recovered from her visit now. Girls I agree about wishing she was here again when she's passed on which is why I make the effort to have her stay (only for a few days max) and try and enjoy her company. But you can love someone and not like them very much. She is a renowned difficult and awkward person and there is no way you could reason with her. I have felt very down after her visit, mainly because my son was here trying to celebrate his 30th with us and we weren't able to go out and about because she was difficult, and staying in offered no escape - if you see what I mean. My son visits his gran less frequently as well these days because she leaves you exhausted and wondering why you bothered.

So, from next year, she will come up alone and the boys will do likewise so we can go out and see some of Derbyshires wonderful sights - you know what I mean Icey!!!

I think it is very difficult for those with mums who are lovely and a pleasure to be with to understand my posts on this. I wish it was different but it isn't - and not for the want of trying. I felt quilty when my Dad died, for no real reason, and I probably will when mum goes. But I've done my best.

So enjoy your mums girls, as I try to enjoy my challenging mum. But I bet you find it a lot easier than I do....
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby pinky » 12 Oct 2009, 18:54

RABBITY i DIDNT HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MUM AND SHE HAS SINCE PASSES AND GOSH i WISH i HAD MADE MORE AN EFFORT WITH HER AND FOCUSED ON THE GOOD THINGS AS OPPOSED TO HOW DIFFICULT THINGS WERE. i KNOW ITS NOT ALWAYS EASY BUT SOMETIMES WE GET TOO BOGGED DOWN TRYING TO ENTERTAIN PARENTS RATHER THAN TAKE IT EASY AND GIVE THEM SPACE.. iTS OK FOR YOU TO HEAD OUT WITH YOUR BOYS AND LEAVE HER BEHIND IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO ATTEND AND THEN MAYBE DO SOMETHING WITH HER IN THE EVENING. i HOPE YOUR NEW PLAN WORKS OUT FOR YOU
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby honkytonk » 13 Oct 2009, 01:50

Tell you what make the most of her warts and all. My mom passed away 13 years to this day and i miss every grey hair on her head. Even though we had a good relationship she would pish my off at times, i would do anything to have here again. A mother can never be replaced.
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby caththecrazy » 16 Oct 2009, 08:58

Even when she's driving you mad and goodness knows I didn't see eye to eye with mine - there will be times when you'll think back and give anything to relive those moments.
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby pinky » 16 Oct 2009, 18:20

true cath and you know we are so more often like our mums in many ways than we really know
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby pilvikki » 17 Oct 2009, 02:59


i don't really want to get into this, but feel that i have to toss my 2 cents' worth in.

my mother was impossibly to live with. she had fibromyalgia before nobody knew what it was. then she hit menopause and became worse: brooding, suspicious, angry, short tempered - and would carry a grudge for ever. half the time we had no idea what we'd done this time and it became that ridiculous game of "you should know what you did?" "but i've not a clue." "really? you don't know what you said yesterday [last week - last month]?" "no i don't; why don't you tell me then." "if you don't know, we obviously have nothing to discuss!" and she'd refuse to talk to me.

she could not grasp that her daughters might have their own problems living in a foreign country, trying to learn a new language, being picked on by the kids in school [and occasional teachers] and having to deal with puberty, loneliness and rejection of their peers.

the only things that helped with the pain was alcohol and synthetic morphine or on better days codein. she took hefty doses of valium to sleep.

she was a hell of a worker and a doer and getting stuck in bed for long periods of time drove her batty. her life was pure hell for the most part, but so was ours.

still, i felt a terrible emptiness after she died, but it's worn off now...
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Re: Mum is driving us crazy!

Postby Ice.Maiden » 03 Nov 2009, 22:34

That was sad reading Vikki. I can see where you're coming from, but of course, trying to cope with someone with such an illness wouldn't've been any easier than it was for your mum to suffer it, but it sounds as though you tried your best in that situation. x
On a "just awkward" front, no, I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to actually dread your own mother visiting - or at least being thankful when she goes! :P
I would say, though, that in your case rabbs, I agree with pink.
Don't feel that you have to be host AND entertainer for when your mum visits. If she doesn't fancy coming along to wherever with you, or you feel that something'd be too much for her, then I see nothing wrong in explaining that you're going anyway. Providing she has something to do in your absence - be it the TV, reading, babysitting or just relaxing in your home, then I think she'd be fine. Might have a grumble about it, yes, but that's just the nature of some people.
It's true to say that when we find ourselves in the same position, and want to visit our own children when they grow up, that we HOPE we won't become stubborn and argumentitive in turn.
My grandma passed away recently, and although my mum's obviously been upset, she says that she can only look back on the good things about her mother - apart from when she got married! My grandparents were against her marrying my father, as they didn't feel that he was "right" for their daughter. Seems it caused a lot of bother at the time, and my mum felt resentful, but over the years, gran and grandad changed their minds. They could see how happy my parents were - and still are - and that their son in law only wanted to make my mum happy. Before she died, gran apologised to my mum for not trusting her judgement, so all was ironed out nicely, and mum was grateful that, despite it being years later, they finally understood each other.
Not everyone gets the chance to do that hun, so however difficult you find your own mum at times, I really think it's best if you can bite your tongue for the short while that she visits you. Maybe easier said than done, but when she's no longer with you, you won't be left with any guilt or anger, because you'll have done your best. x
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