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long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 16:31
by pinky
My friend has come back from holidays where she claims she has met the love of her life. Obviously she lives here in Ireland and he is from Gran Canaria where he works in a bar. I am sure he has a great time with all the tourists but she is smitten with him. She says work is not great for him at the moment as there are not as many tourists and would consider coming to Ireland. Is this what he says to every girl I wonder.

Thing is do you think holiday and/or long distance relationships really work or am I being a sceptic

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 16:58
by Ice.Maiden
I can assure you that they can if two people are meant to be together, but it's hard.
As for those holiday-type romances - no. Barmen meet new women all the time. From what I've heard, the Greeks are a dab-hand at it, and gullible women STILL fall for it and believe that they're "the one". Tell your friend to hop over to one of the other islands, and she'll probably find the same thing happens there.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 17:49
by pinky
I mean she is generally sensible but to say she is besotted is an understatement. I mean she knows this guy after a holiday romanace and now hes the one.. They talk every day and already she has changed. I can't help feel she will end up very hurt.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:25
by Ice.Maiden
Our intuition's usually right hun, but sometimes folk have to find out for themselves. There's nothing you can do except be there for her if you have the patience.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:32
by pinky
emm i would if she didn't go on about him 24/7!!!

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:36
by Ice.Maiden
Nothing worse - and that doesn't have to be from someone who's miles away from the object of their desires either. I also had a friend who had the hots for some guy. He'd play her along sometimes, then back off at others. She would NOT shut up about him ... until he found someone else. Then it dawned on her, but until that time, she fell over herself to walk past where he worked, wait by the phone, - and worse - accept his feeble excuses when he didn't turn up for dates.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:40
by pinky
thing is she gets in from work and is on msn to him or facebook. When we have rang her she is always talking to him. They have gotten so serious already. Today she was asking about looking for a job over there so she could be with him. He has become her world and determines her mood. If we say anything she snaps at us. I guess we will have to wait until it all falls apart .

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:43
by Ice.Maiden
Exactly what I was describing. Does your friend have many friends, or get out much?

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:47
by pinky
Emm not really she can be a depressive sort if youknow what I mean. She is very sweet and all that but she isnt very confident and can be jealous of others, She has had a tough life bless her and so many failed relationships. It would be great if she meant someone real nice, thing is the guys she goes with have been losers and she could do better. I guess she just wants to be loved

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 13 Jul 2010, 18:52
by Ice.Maiden
Oh dear. Sometimes, women like that are very susceptible to flattery, as they see it. I'm sorry, but I don't hold out much hope for your friend's relationship turning into anything good, but SOME holiday romances work out.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 14 Jul 2010, 17:10
by pinky
Well she is still besotted bless her and looking up jobs . I leave her to it at the moment as it is grating on my goat just listening to her.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 16 Jul 2010, 21:44
by Ice.Maiden
As I've said before, a Canadian friend of mine started chatting to someone on the internet, and then via webcam. The guy went over for a visit, and they fell in love immediately - literally when they met up at the airport. She then came over here, and they've now been married for a few years and are amazingly happy, so holiday or online relationships CAN develop into something worthwhile, but the interest has to come from both parties of course.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 18 Jul 2010, 12:55
by pinky
yes Ice but isnt that the exception and a tad fairy taleish??? I mean meeting someone over the net or on holidays doesnt give you the chance to get the to know the real then and you could be letting yourself in for more than you bargained for

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 18 Jul 2010, 16:04
by Ice.Maiden
Totally agree with you that it takes time to get to know someone properly - but I don't see the above situation as being fairytale-ish at all. I also know 2 other people who met their partners online. OK - they met up many times before deciding to get married, but it can happen. Then you meet people who knew their partners from childooh - they get married - and it's all over within the bat of an eyelid.
Holiday romances are fine if you're going to meet up again when you both get back home, but where one's in another country, it's not so easy to keep the interest going, especially in your friend's case, where the guy's job is to meet and greet people.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 18 Jul 2010, 17:16
by pinky
I guess I would be cautious on on line relationships as you only know what the person tells you and not whats underneath. They could be a raving murderer, alcoholic abuser anything so its too dodgy for me hun

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 18 Jul 2010, 18:31
by Ice.Maiden
Well I've never been in a position to consider it either, so I don't know whether I'd do it or not, but I doubt it. I've got too wide a circle of friends anyway, but some haven't, or can't get out for various reasons, so maybe the internet's worthwhile to them.
Thing is, you can go OUT and meet a murderer, etc. You never really know someone until you've known them for ages - and met and listened to their friends and family. You've only got that person's word for how they really are, but underneath, anything could be lurking. I'm glad I'm settled!!!

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 18 Jul 2010, 18:47
by pinky
true but its when you get to spend more real time with them and meet their family and friends that youget a better understanding of them and their lives. I agree I am glad I am settled and met someone in face to face contact at home than on the net or a holiday romance

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 19 Jul 2010, 07:26
by Ice.Maiden
I'm sure some'll disagree about the holiday romance thing, but in general, I agree with you. Holidays are for relaxation and having fun. I don't really think you find the partner of your dreams - but then again - most of us go on holiday, so why shouldn't that "perfect" partner be there as well?

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 19 Jul 2010, 09:34
by Silke
there is one other thing which makes me think that ain't going to work... cultural differences. Ah, you don't see them as easily any more at first glance, but they'll come around and bite them. Your own culture is so obvious we seldom stop to think there is any other way of seeing things and suddenly... well. I've not met one mono-cultural person who thinks those things through and accept them.

Re: long distance relationships

PostPosted: 19 Jul 2010, 16:09
by Ice.Maiden
You're right Silke, but it can come as a shock even if you're both from the same country. Second generation settlers often keep to their own way of life, and their children are often brought up to do the same. Integrating yourself into a family like that can be difficult on both sides, so moving to a country where the cultural differences are vastly different to our own can be nigh impossible to get used to.
Personally, if I was to move to somewhere like that, I'd expect life to be different, and try to "when in Rome, do as the Romans do", sort of thing, but best to fully investigate what you're expected to do and how to behave before you go to live in a place that's quite alien to what we've brought up in.