long distance relationships

[pinky]

good point Silke yes Culture and norms can vary to a great degree and are not always obvious at first

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes, there's that as well, but in general, long-distance relationships DON'T work, unless you have the means to be with each other as often as possible.

[pinky]

Even at that if you spend weekends together the strain of travvelling would take its toll

[Ice.Maiden]

If one of the partners is abroad, the weekly meetings wouldn't be very frequent anyway.

[pinky]

yes I guess and its like you could grow apart very easily

[Ice.Maiden]

Bet you're right there.

[pinky]

thank god I have mine close at hand and heart

[Ice.Maiden]

Well, me and mine are sometimes apart if he has to go away for work purposes, but I know he's going to come back to me, and I have complete trust in him. I wouldn't like to be footloose and fancy free again. I've got what I want, and that's all I'm bothered about.

[pinky]

i agree mine often is away for work as I have been too but we know its only for a short while

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes. Some women have no choice to be parted from their loved ones though - such as if their OH's are serving in the Forces or working on oil rigs and so on, but most of them understand what they're getting into before they get married or move in with their partners, and either get themselves a job, interest or have a family to look after. I'm sure they miss being together, but know that work has to keep them apart sometimes.
Trying to keep a relationship going when there are no long periods of being together though, isn't easy at all.

[pinky]

it must be hard though if your OH has to travel away a lot for work. I wouldnt like a life like that

[Ice.Maiden]

Neither would I, but they should know what they're getting into before they live with, or marry someone who does that. Then again.... maybe some are PLEASED when their OH's out of the way for a long period!!

[pinky]

oh i would be so lonely if he was away a lot

[Ice.Maiden]

I woudn't be lonely at all - too many people around me - but I'd miss him.

[pinky]

i know hun but sometimes folk can feel lonely even when they are surrounded by people

[Ice.Maiden]

I've heard that before, but not when you're surrounded by family or good friends that you know well. I don't think I've ever felt lonliness.

[Silke]

even then. Really depends on whether you think they understand your or not.

[Ice.Maiden]

Good friends should be able to do that Silke, and if a person feels lonely because they don't feel that anyone understands them, surely that'd be a time to look into yourself more closely, and see why you'd be feeling like this? Good friends or family members should be there to discuss your thoughts and innermost feelings with, and a best friend is usually able to empathise with this, as people tend to graduate and form lasting friendships with others who're like-minded.

[Silke]

but that would be the problem, wouldn't it? Not all people talk, not everyone gives anyone a chance to understand and then when the glass overfills there is no one who knows the history and suddenly you need a mindreader - which sadly doesn't exist.

I don't want friends who chat along. Nothing makes me feel more lonely because I don't really think they care. I tell them about something I think is wrong/sad/bad/whatever and they just agree with me? No thanks. Empathise sure, but question. Discuss. I do this when friends come to me with their thoughts and they love me for it, but sadly it doesn't go the other way with anyone but my mother! How sad is that?? All I ask is some kind of reflection about things but I guess no can't do.

[Ice.Maiden]

I know what you mean Silke - but is that because you don't confide in many people apart from your mother, or because you THINK they don't care - when maybe they really do?
I've never come across genuine friends who don't care or try to understand, but I guess that sometimes, the way in which a person puts themselves across can dictate as to the sort of understanding or response which's returned?