this is next to go up on smashwords

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this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 09 Jul 2012, 21:00

Pink and Purple with Sparkles and Jewels

Saari was 4 years old. She lived with her mom and her dad and the dog and the cat in a little apartment at the top of a very long set of stairs. It had four rooms: a kitchen, where they kept all the food and all the dishes and did all the cooking and all the eating; a living room where they kept all the books and all the DVDs and the couch and the TV and the telephone; a bathroom where they kept all the towels and all the soap; and a bedroom where they all slept in one bed, even the dog and the cat.

She always wondered why the big cooking pots were kept in the bath tub and why the chairs were hung on the walls and why there were boxes of food in the corner beside the refrigerator and in the hall closet and why the vacuum cleaner was kept under the bed.

“It's because this place is too small for a family,” said Mom.

“One day, we will find a bigger place,” promised Dad, but that day didn't seem to want to hurry up and arrive.

Every morning, Saari woke up smiling and happy but her mommy and her daddy looked very tired and had dark circles under their eyes and their hair was all sticky-up every which way. Saari ate her breakfast at the table while mommy and daddy snored into their coffeecups.

“Why are you still tired?” she asked.

“We're tired because we get no sleep,” mumbled Mom.

“You are impossible to sleep with,” declared Dad. “You push and you pinch, you twist and you turn, and you kick us to the bottom of the bed where we have to hang on with our fingernails and teeth or we'll fall onto the floor.”

“Oh,” said Saari, and she finished her scrambled eggs and ran off to get dressed to go to school.

“Something has to be done,” Mom said, and Dad agreed.

Not long after that, Mom and Dad told Saari to sit down on the couch.

“We have some very special news,” they said. Mom was smiling and Dad's eyes crinkled at the corners like it did when he was especially excited. Saari was interested. “Today, we bought a house! It has two bathrooms and a kitchen and a diningroom and a livingroom and four bedrooms! You can have your very own bedroom!”

Saari's mouth fell open. She couldn't believe her ears!

“I have to sleep in a house all alone!??” she cried.

“No, no,” said Mom and Dad, “We are all going to live there. We will bring all our furniture and all our clothes and the dog and the cat and everything else and put it in the house. We will paint it and decorate it and you can have your bedroom exactly the way you want – any colour you want!”

Saari wasn't sure about this. Not sure at all. But she looked around the tiny little apartment with everything in the boxes and the big pots in the bath tub and the chairs hanging up on the walls and had to admit that it was getting a bit crowded. She rather thought it would be nice to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and not trip over the dog or fall into the pile of shoes beside the front door. They were kind of stinky.

The next day, they went to look at the house.

It wasn't a big house but to Saari, it was huge! For real, it had a kitchen and a diningroom and a livingroom and two bathrooms and four bedrooms – but it also had a HUGE BACK YARD with a pool and a deck! The apartment only had a teeny balcony and she wasn't allowed on it because Mom and Dad didn't want her to fall all the way down. The house even had a furnace room with a washing machine and a dryer! No more sitting at the laundromat for hours and hours watching Mom fold socks and underwear!

“This is my room,” she declared, standing proudly in the middle of the bedroom right next to the bathroom.

They all looked around. The paint was old and faded, the carpet was old and dirty, and, in short, it needed to be completely re-done.

“We'll fix the holes in the walls and paint over this old faded paint and we'll pull out this ugly old carpet and put in a nice new floor,” said her Mom, rubbing her hands with glee. She loved to take things apart and put them back together again.

“We'll have to go shopping for a new bed and new dressers and a desk and new curtains and a rug,” said Dad happily. He loved shopping and showing off what he found.

“Now, what colour would you like your room?” Mom and Dad asked, and leaned forward as they waited for her answer.

“Pink and purple with sparkles and jewels!” Saari said immediately. Mom and Dad leaned back as far as they could.

“Pink and purple!?” said Mom faintly.

“With sparkles and jewels!?” said Dad with horror.

“That won't do at all!” they both said.

“What about natural colours like beige and green? They're relaxing,” said Mom.

“What about red and black and white? That's a very fashionable look right now,” said Dad.
Saari's eyebrows came down and her bottom lip stuck out and she folded her arms and scowled.

“I don't want natural colours! I don't want fashionable colours!” She stamped her foot and said very loudly “I want pink and purple and sparkles and jewels!”

“Oh well,” said Mom with her fingers in her ears, “It is her room, after all.”

“Oh well,” said Dad, who couldn't hear Mom as he had his fingers in his ears, “It's her room, after all.”

The next day, Saari took the bus to school and Mom and Dad took the car to the store down the street.

“May I help you?” asked the man behind the counter. He wore black leather pants, a red vest, and a white shirt. His hair was cut short in some places and long in others and stuck out in very expensive directions.

“Do you have any pink and purple with sparkles and jewels?” asked Mom.

“Um, no. We have red and black and white with glimmer and beads but we have no pink and purple with sparkles and jewels. I'm afraid it's not very fashionable right now,” he sniffed. Mom and Dad thought he was a bit rude but he worked at the store and surely knew what he was talking about so they bought it all.

When Saari got home, she ran to her bedroom and looked at the white walls and the red curtains and the black carpet and her face fell.

“This is not pink and purple with sparkles and jewels,” she cried. “I don't like it!”

“Just try it,” said Mom and Dad. “You will see – you'll like it!”

That night, Saari refused to sleep in the white bed with the red blanket and sheets and climbed in with Mom and Dad.

The next morning, she woke up happy and ate her peanut butter on toast cheerfully while Mom and Dad leaned against each other and snored into their coffeecups.

“That didn't work,” said Mom after Saari left.

“I got no sleep at all,” Dad groaned.

“We need to get her to sleep in her own room,” they agreed and they got in the car and drove to the next store in town.

At the next store, the elegant lady with the bun and the glasses hid a superior smile.

“I'm afraid we have no pink and purple with sparkles and jewels. We have some lovely beiges and browns and greens with shimmer and sheen – it's very relaxing. She will love it.” Mom and Dad were impressed by how elegant and superior she was and thought surely she knew what she was talking about so they bought it all.

When Saari got home, she ran to her bedroom and looked at the beige walls and the green curtains and the brown carpet and her face fell.

“This is not pink and purple with sparkles and jewels,” she cried. “I don't like it!”

“Just try it,” said Mom and Dad. “You will see – you'll like it soon!”

That night, Saari refused to sleep in the white bed with the green blanket and beige sheets and climbed in with Mom and Dad.

The next morning, she woke up happy and ate her cereal cheerfully while Mom and Dad leaned against the wall and snored into their coffeecups.

“That didn't work,” said Dad after Saari left.

“I got no sleep at all,” Mom groaned.

“We need to get her to sleep in her own room,” they agreed. There weren't any other stores in town so they drove to the next town.

“Oh, yes,” said the young girl, who had a happy smile and wore blue jeans and a pony tail. “We have lots of pink and purple with sparkles and jewels – it's very popular with lots of little girls and even some little boys.”

“We'll take it!!!!” shouted Mom and Dad and they loaded up the car with everything.
When Saari got home, she ran to her bedroom and looked at the pink walls and the sparkly apple green curtains with jewels and the light purple carpet and smiled THIS BIG.

“I love it!!!” she cried.

“Hooray!!!” said Mom and Dad.

That night, Saari slept in the white bed with the purple blanket and pink sheets.
The next morning, Mom and Dad woke up happy and ate their fried eggs cheerfully while Saari leaned against the wall and snored into her orange juice.

“What's the matter?” asked Mom.

“Why are you still tired?” asked Dad.

"The pink and purple and sparkles and jewels are too bright – I couldn't sleep at all,” said Saari. “I want my room dark blue and dark purple and dark green and no sparkles and no jewels.”
Last edited by threenorns on 09 Jul 2012, 23:23, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 09 Jul 2012, 21:09

[cross fingers: i think caiti is even going to do the artwork for the cover!]


she sent me a rough draft - it's fabulous!
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby pilvikki » 10 Jul 2012, 01:14


:clap:

ah, the modern family.... :lmao4:
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby pilvikki » 10 Jul 2012, 01:15


hmmm... i'm not sure, but i think i'd leave out one of the colours....
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 10 Jul 2012, 01:16

it's saari, mom. we're lucky she let me keep it down to two.
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby pilvikki » 10 Jul 2012, 01:36


i meant in the story, leave out one of the colour groups...
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 10 Jul 2012, 07:01

it's wierd, but there's an actual "rule of three" in writing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing)
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby Kellemora » 10 Jul 2012, 10:12

Hi Threenorns!

The Rule of Threes: Yes there is!
And so few seem to know about it.

It's from the Latin "omne trium perfectum" all that's rendered in threes is perfect and/or complete.
Comedy is PHUNNIER! Romance is more Serious (don't take that the wrong way, hi hi, I was referring to a Tritagonist.) and History is more interesting.

This extends into several other areas as well. For example: The Rule of Thirds in Photography.

TTUL
Gary
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby Ice.Maiden » 10 Jul 2012, 12:00

When writing, I just use the Rule of Three as a beginning, a middle and an ending - although, not always in that order.

Had to smile at your story threenorns.
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby pilvikki » 11 Jul 2012, 09:51


i was actually referring to the rule of 3, 3: you have 4 colour schemes going there. right?

story goes [somewhere] that the rules of 3 is from hiawatha, which was based on the Kalevala format, which was simply built on the 3 major dialects of the time in finland.
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 11 Jul 2012, 12:19

oh, you mean the last one at the end? that's the unexpected twist: going by rule of three, the story is complete at the pink and purple room and "happy ever after" and then ... not so much. if i take out one group, then i don't have saari's reaction, which was (exactly this): ".... WHAT just happened there?!?"
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby Yogi » 12 Jul 2012, 07:51

I took some humanities courses in college and had the same problem there that I see in this review. All the class pundits were able to parse, analyze, and regurgitate every obnoxious detail in the literature we read. The proliferation of hidden meaning overwhelmed me. In this case half the semester would be spent debating how Saari carries a hidden message about the human condition. All I could say is WTF!?

This is a great story about a spoiled little girl. I raised two of them, and I can relate. Does it really matter if some classic style is violated or that the the characters are simple and single dimensioned? I'd read this story for its entertainment value, and albeit is written for the Dr Seuss Set, I think it was an enjoyable read. Mission accomplished. Then again, these comments are from an old guy who never read a book from cover to cover until he was 42. (no, I didn't do well in the humanities classes)

You entertained me 3n; what else could an author ask for?
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby threenorns » 12 Jul 2012, 08:08

:mrgreen:
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby Ice.Maiden » 12 Jul 2012, 14:04

Sweet!
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby pilvikki » 13 Jul 2012, 02:39

interesting... i reread it and find the colours are just right now. :think: i gots to think about this...

ok, i did. i think it's the speed... this paragraph here:

That night, Saari slept in the white bed with the purple blanket and pink sheets.
The next morning, Mom and Dad woke up happy and ate their fried eggs cheerfully while Saari leaned against the wall and snored into her orange juice.


split it up: That night, Saari slept in the white bed with the purple blanket and pink sheets, [the cat on her pillow - while mom and dad were luxuriously stretched out all over their bed with the dog at bottom of it.] or some such.

you need a distraction/space before the hammer comes down.

see wot i mean? then we'll go onto the...


The next morning, Mom and Dad woke up happy and ate their fried eggs cheerfully while Saari leaned against the wall and snored into her orange juice.



regardless, i love yer style. :dance:

NEXT!
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Re: this is next to go up on smashwords

Postby Ice.Maiden » 13 Jul 2012, 08:32

Goodness knows why you haven't had books published, threenorns.
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