Herman Cain for President?

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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 15 Nov 2011, 17:13

CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – The race for the Republican presidential nomination took an unexpected turn today as a new poll showed that a startled deer was the new GOP frontrunner.

Bucky, the red deer who is the first choice of likely Republican voters is believed to be the first woodland creature ever to lead a major party’s presidential field.

“Voters like what they see in Bucky,” said veteran political strategist Ed Rollins, who has signed on to helm the red deer’s primary campaign. “The fact that he is unable to speak is a major asset.”

In his first appearance in Concord, New Hampshire, however, the antlered candidate garnered mixed reviews for what some observers said was an unsteady performance.

Appearing frightened by the TV lights, Bucky kicked over the podium and then pranced down the hall before being subdued by a tranquilizer dart.

“Clearly he’s a little rough around the edges,” said Mr. Rollins. “But he still did better than Herman Cain.”

It was another rough day for Mr. Cain, who offered this response to a reporter’s question: “For the last time, I did not touch her down there. Oh wait, did you say ‘Libya?’”

Gov. Rick Perry also stumbled badly in a campaign appearance in Iowa, telling supporters, “If I am elected, I will find out where Iran’s nuclear weapons are. Also, where Iran is.”

Meanwhile, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich predicted that his recent rise in the polls is not a fluke: “The American people want an adult, and no one has a stronger record of adultery than I do.”
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby kg » 15 Nov 2011, 23:47

AJRC wrote:Cain just made a Perry style gaff by not knowing what the hell he was talking about.


Oh. That was a gaff? I thought that was the Republican Party platform for this election season. Silly me...now they got ME not knowing what I'm talking about! :doh:

AJRC wrote:Maybe the GOP just won't run this time and will just concede defeat in January. ;)


Like I said; if I were them I'd just roll over and play dead. One good thing about that...you'd have much more intelligent debates! ;)
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 16 Nov 2011, 14:28

Now Cain is saying that he never met Sharon Bialek, but her ex is saying that they did. Cain should just give it up, he's failed.
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby kg » 16 Nov 2011, 22:24


And it just keeps getting "better!" They keep giving him more and more rope, and he keeps reeling it in faster than they can feed it!

He defended his view that presidents and presidential candidates don't need to be immersed in the fine print of world affairs - they simply need to be leaders who can surround themselves with the right people and sift through their advice.

"I'm not supposed to know anything about foreign policy. Just thought I'd throw that out," he said, a dig at his critics.

"I want to talk to commanders on the ground. Because you run for president (people say) you need to have the answer. No, you don't! No, you don't! That's not good decision-making," said Cain.

Herman Cain: 'I'm not supposed to know anything about foreign policy'

Perhaps, in his continuing (or has he started yet?) education on the Presidency and Federal Government, he might want to start with...oh, I don't know, say....Constitution 101?! The document that defines the duties and responsibilities of the three branches of government? Let's see (and I paraphrase)....

The Constitution of the United States: A Transcription
(Article II, Section 2)

"The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States..."


Considering that the Armed Forces of the U.S. (and the militias, when called into the service of same) normally are deployed in foreign countries, would it not be incumbent on the Commander In Chief to know what in the hell is going on before making the decision to send them there? I know that only Congress can actually declare War, but from the Vietnam "Conflict" on, it has become quite apparent that the declaration of War is not required for a "Conflict" or "Police Action."

(Article II, Section 2)

He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties...


Let's see...when the President (with advice and consent...) makes a treaty, it is commonly with another country. It would be pointless to make a treaty with itself. In making such a treaty, is it not incumbent upon all parties involved to have an understanding of the issues and their relationship to and affect on all parties involved?

Meh...I'm obsessing again. I'm sure you get the point. The idiot couldn't "executively decide" his way out of a paper bag! He is not the man I would want with his finger hovering above "the button"...I'm afraid that if we were at the brink of war and he had to make an urgent call to the leader of another major country, he'd ask, "Where's the Batphone?"

[ img ]

And I thought Sarah Palin was bad...she's beginning to look better and better. That scares me a little! :?
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 17 Nov 2011, 10:33

Not so sure. I would have been petrified with Palin in charge, but i know what you mean. Cain is basically saying he doesn't need to know anything, others will tell him. So basically he's saying he'll be a puppet and do what he's told. Cain is typical of the GOP this election, all style and no substance. I bet Romney is just sitting back and not having to do any campaigning, the other candidates are all self-destructing. He'll be nominated by default.

Mind you saying that in some polls Newt Gingrich (remember him) is ahead of Cain, Perry and Romney. Even though it's just been revealed that he was paid a fortune by Freddie Mac, a federal mortgage lender the right wing despise. Gingrich who criticised Dems for their close ties to Freddie Mac and attacked Obama for accepting campaign contributions from them in 2008. Oh, the GOP and their double standards. :lmao4:

Who knows, Borowitz said a startled deer could be nominated at this rate. ;)
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby kg » 17 Nov 2011, 13:23

AJRC wrote:He'll be nominated by default.


"Last man left standing," if you will. It's a sad commentary when a Presidential runoff can be compared to a professional wrestling match.

AJRC wrote:Mind you saying that in some polls Newt Gingrich (remember him) is ahead of Cain, Perry and Romney. Even though it's just been revealed that he was paid a fortune by Freddie Mac, a federal mortgage lender the right wing despise. Gingrich who criticised Dems for their close ties to Freddie Mac and attacked Obama for accepting campaign contributions from them in 2008.


Oh, do I remember Newt Gingrich?! You know, I'm confused about that. I mean, Romney is supposed to be the Mormon, but Newt has had three wives? :think:

Of course Newt wasn't acting as a Lobbyist for Freddie...NOoooo!...he was a "Historian!" :roll:

I think that snowflake is in the hand basket and headed right to you know where. Think that startled deer will throw his antlers into the ring?
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 29 Nov 2011, 10:27

With the new allegations against Cain, saying he had a 13 year affair, his polls have gone south fast. And as i said Gingrich has become the leader, one point ahead of Romney.

Fox Poll:

Newt Gingrich-23%
Mitt Romney-22%
Herman Cain-15%
Ron Paul-8%
Rick Perry-7%
Michele Bachmann-6%
Jon Huntsman-3%
Rick Santorum-2%

I'm so glad the loonies seem to be dead in the water, the teaparty has failed. Now their only choice is Gingrich as they will never support a Mormon. Gingrich's stance on immigration is a sticking point, but i think the teabaggers will just have to accept they've lost control of the GOP and support someone with moderate, not right wing, ideals.

As you say -kg-, he's had affairs, been married three times. So the christians will just have to swallow that and accept their hypocrisy. He's also in bed with the federal mortgage lenders, so the fiscal conservatives will just have to accept he's very moderate on his economic ideals.

Seems the GOP don't have anyone they really want, they just have to vote for who they think will get rid of that uppity black man.
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 30 Nov 2011, 11:47

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In a new poll of likely GOP voters, 28% think Herman Cain had an extramarital affair, 28% do not think he had an affair, and 44% are having an affair with Herman Cain right now.

Of the voters currently having sex with Mr. Cain, 52% called the relationship “special,” 38% called it “inappropriate,” and 10% agreed with the statement “I know I am Herman’s soul mate and someday we’ll be together.”

According to Davis Logsdon, who conducted the poll for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, the numbers could spell trouble for the former pizza executive: “There is no precedent for a successful White House run by a man with over ten million exes.”

In an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer today, Mr. Cain seemed to brush off the latest development, saying, “Now you know why I got your name wrong, Blitz – I have a lot of names to keep straight in my head.”

Mr. Cain added, "My message to the American people remains the same, and that message is, 'I told you not to call me here.'"

But later in the day Mr. Cain got a got a harsh scolding from Republican frontrunner Newt Gingrich: “If Herman is in fact having sex with millions of Americans, he needs to do the right thing and marry them.”
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 30 Nov 2011, 11:53

CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – Herman Cain is "reassessing" his White House campaign today, a move that resulted in millions of pro-adultery voters shifting their support to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

The shift in support is significant because pro-adultery voters represent the single largest voting bloc in the Republican Party, experts say.

Tracy Klugian, a prominent adulterer from Concord, New Hampshire, said he would be sorry to see Mr. Cain leave the race “because he was very committed to the one issue I care about: namely, adultery.”

But he added that he had been in touch with many other adulterers in the state and that they were all switching to Mr. Gingrich.

“Even when we were supporting Cain, a lot of us were supporting Gingrich behind his back,” the adulterer said. “I guess that’s how we do.”
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 02 Dec 2011, 09:59

Republican candidate Herman Cain has admitted giving money to Ginger White, the woman who says they had a 13-year affair.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-15996701

Well Cain has just admitted, after it was going to come out in the media anyway, that he gave Ginger White money and never told his wife about her.

Drop out now pizza boy, you're finished.

Gingrich has said in an interview that he's certain that he'll win now. How screwed are the GOP that they have the choice of either a moderate or a Mormon. :lmao3:
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Re: Herman Cain for President?

Postby AJRC » 04 Dec 2011, 10:47

A Farewell from Herman Cain

(The Borowitz Report)

Dear Friend,

And when I say “friend,” I mean it in the normal way, not “someone I’ve been sleeping with for 13 years.” Unless, of course, I have been sleeping with you for 13 years. In that case, I do mean it that way.

It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to end my inspirational quest for the White House. After much reassessing and reconsidering, I have decided to spend more time being screamed at by my wife. And by “more time,” I mean 24 hours a day, stopping only for bathroom breaks.

But before I go, let me share with you my final thoughts on my campaign. After months of crisscrossing this great land of ours and participating in over three hundred televised debates, I am being disqualified because of an extramarital affair. And that raises the following question: are you *f&%$g* kidding me?

I mean, let’s get real. I never heard of Libya. I didn’t know whether that CNN dude’s name was Wolf or Blitz. And my only training for running the #1 nation in the world was running its #8 pizza chain. Yet none of that, I repeat, none of that disqualified me. In fact, I was the front-fucking-runner, as long as I kept my 9-9-9 in my pants. (I have no idea what I meant by that -- I just like saying 9-9-9.)

But here’s the part that really kills me. You’re kicking me to the curb because I was messing around, and instead you’re going with… Newt Gingrich? I repeat: are you *f&%$g* kidding me? Oh, I know what you’re saying: you love Newt because he’s an “intellectual.” Well, Newt Gingrich is the intellectual of the Republican field the way Moe was the intellectual of the Stooges.

And that leads me to my final point: you disgust me, America. Right now if I had my way, I’d up and move to another country. I really, truly would. Only I don’t know where any of them are, and my wife won’t let me leave the house.

Goodbye forever,

Herman
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