An Ode to English Plural

[forgetfultel]

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
Get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a Recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
In which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, is Mother a Mop?

[Ice.Maiden]

Lol - I love that. With most languages, there's a pattern to the spelling and pronunciation, but not with the English language. Must be quite difficult to learn.

[Tomsk]

blimey, thasa long .one

[Ice.Maiden]

http://fun.resplace.net/Emoticons/Shocked/Horrified.png

[pilvikki]

i love those!

still, english isn't that difficult to learn, albeit often plenty frustrating...

[Pet]

Say, what?


The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

[Ice.Maiden]

:clap2:

[kg]

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

My sow could sow, too, but I also taught her to sew, so......? :mrgreen:

[Ice.Maiden]

The bough bowed low because the tree was bowed ..... (as in a bent one). Oh dear .....

[Silke]

How to bend english words are all bound to rules. You have about one or two pages worth of words you just need to learn, all others are rule-bound.

I think all languages could be played with like that.

[pilvikki]

i know finnish does same type of convoluted logic, although you'd think they'd be finished with it by now...

[kg]

Sorry to repeat myself, but I once knew a Finnish Finish Carpenter... :P

[pilvikki]

at work they'd ask how my polish was and when i said i didn't know any, they'd go "oh, that's because she's finished!" :doh:

[kg]

Is there a Polish polish? You could polish a pole with it! The pole probably wouldn't appreciate it, though! :shifty:

[Ice.Maiden]

ROFL!!!! * Polish a pole with it - LOL!!!!

[pilvikki]

you could always ask yogi, parts of him are polish and he appears highly polished... :P

[Ice.Maiden]

*Parts of him are polish???

:o

[pilvikki]

yeah, don't know which parts though... :think:

[kg]

So I probably wouldn't be able to tell which part of him to rub on my shoes. :think:

[pilvikki]

i think you'll suffer for that one.... :shifty:

:lmao4: